Returning “Home”

The last time I took a big trip, I literally had no home to come back to.

Now, I ended two months of travel feeling happier and more motivated than I have since I left Columbus, surrounded by new community, and eager to see what comes next.

My last travel post concluded after my time in China, but I still had a week planned in the UK. Unfortunately, the day I arrived, I felt a tickle in my throat, which was joined by a runny nose the next morning…

A precautionary COVID test meant I had to bail on the rest of the UK trip to keep my friend Leigh free-and-clear so they could enjoy their birthday trip to Iceland the following week 🥲

Still, I’m grateful we at least got one day together in the UK, and a few more in Amsterdam after they finished in Scotland (AND I didn’t get them sick!). It was nice to spend time with an old and good friend, and especially fun to be a tourist in Amsterdam again.

In a twist of irony, I was back in Haarlem for the last day of their Pride celebration, but too contagious to participate. Luckily, Amsterdam Pride was the following weekend (these things happen throughout July-September across NL). There’s a lot to be said about the commercialization of this celebration, especially the Canal Parade. But I was happy to be able to go, and had a wonderful time.

Aside from the festivities, it was really meaningful to be surrounded by community in this new place. I volunteer bartended at Vrankrijk on actual Pride night, which was SUPER busy, and Such a fun energy! I saw a lot of friends and acquaintances I’ve made over many visits there, and after my shift, celebrated by dancing into the night.

The next day, I went to the Trans Pride Walk, where I unexpectedly ran into friends from many different circles (Transgenders Amsterdam, Butterfly/Vrankrijk, HTQ/Rock Climbing, and Transfem Haarlem). The owner of the houseboat I almost lived in was there too – they found me during the march!

Genuinely, this day was so healing for me. Spontaneous encounters with so many friends, all here for the same reason. I really felt like a part of something bigger than myself, and that I’ve really integrated into communities here. That weekend marked a shift in my perspective on this new phase of my life. I was no longer just a visitor here, but could actually see this place as my home, and these people as my family.

Driven by this new attitude, I’ve been spending a lot of quality time with friends here, deepening my relationships and support systems.

In August, I went up to Vlieland, one of the islands in the north, to stay with my friend Jasmijn for the weekend. She and our friend Hanneke go there for a few weeks every summer, and rotate visiting friends, and it was a privilege to be able to join in their longstanding tradition. The beaches, dunes, and polders were beautiful, and the most natural environment I’ve been able to see in the Netherlands so far.

Overall, I’ve really been feeling like part of a community here. As time passes, my friend circles intersect, and I more regularly run into people I know when I’m out and about. Once again I have proved to myself that I am good at making friends, and it is good for me 🙂

I’ve also gotten back into work (part-time, at least) since coming back. I got hired by Nieuwe Vide for a community development project involving an artivist library and queer collectives in Haarlem. My bigger project so far has been working with TRANS Magazine, hosting writing workshops for trans people, and planning a party for the launch of their next edition. It’s such a privilege to once again have work that feels personally fulfilling, and is especially nice working in queer spaces.

I have not been making progress on other work leads like I’d hoped, and my business website is still far from finished. “Being my own boss” is difficult when I don’t often get the external motivation from working in a large organization. But this is not unexpected (I know myself), and I am slowly but surely making progress on finding my freelance rhythm.

Another change for me since moving here has been participating in more ~going out~ culture. When I was younger, I wasn’t really interested in what nightlife, clubbing, etc. had to offer. I didn’t enjoy dancing, hated dealing with driving/parking, and wasn’t comfortable with my body in public social settings. Now, I feel like I’m starting from behind in a race against my age, trying to explore and get the most out of this world while I still can.

It IS a learning process, to be sure. I’m finding new forms of balance, and exploring parts of myself I’ve never been able to before. But boy howdy if I don’t love learning 😉

Findings So Far:

• Techno can be really cool and fun to dance to, actually
• 3 parties in a weekend is Too Many
• People appreciate my direct communication style 🙂
• Always make a calendar reminder for the last train back home
• A quarter tab is the perfect amount for a good time 😉
• Just because I can do something, doesn’t mean I should
• Drink. WATER!
• If you need drugs to keep partying, it’s time to go home
• Techno can still be obnoxious and hard to dance to

Now, I’m also in a race against the seasons, as the rain, wind, and cold will soon discourage my late-night antics. I’m looking forward to a fun and full Halloween weekend, which is sorely needed since the Dutch don’t really celebrate it.

Earlier this year, I convinced my Columbus friends Lily and Kali to take a trip out here, and they decided to come in around Draaimolen, a techno music festival in the forest near Tilburg. Not only was the festival incredible, but it was amazing to share so much of my new life with old friends.

It feels silly, but there’s something about ‘bridging’ the last two chapters of my life (Columbus, Netherlands), which otherwise had no connective threads to each other, that makes me really happy. Friends who only know this version of me meeting others who know me from a different time – and getting along! It helps me feel integrated, at peace, and like my life here isn’t just a fluke. Lily & Kali got to meet (and party with 😜) a bunch of my friends here, who then got to meet my cool speaker-building Ohio friends. Oh and of course we had tons of fun!

Most recently, my mom and her friend stopped by on their way through Europe. I got to introduce them to my best friends here, while they introduced my mom to Dutch food 😂

We went out to Geithoorn at her request, a cute little canal village with very limited car access 😈. It was a nice visit, but saying goodbye was difficult, since I don’t know when/if I’ll be back in the U.S. again.

Like I said, motivation is difficult to find and maintain. Bad news keeps coming about the world, and I feel drawn to so many different directions in life. I’m still struggling to stay on top of my own business/life goals, and although I have some income now, it is not yet sustainable for staying here long-term.

But I’m trying to be gentle with myself, and enjoy that I get to take my time with this adjustment. If I’m going to make it work, I’ll need to keep practicing things I’m bad at: self-regulation, discipline, routine, and rest.

So if you’re wondering, life’s been pretty good! I’m not looking forward to the bleak wetness of winter, but I’ve already got things I’m excited for next year 🤭

Until next time!

💜 Ada